the cost of not living

I lay there in the throws of some ontological exchange with this " Mercy, mercy , aaaaahv jes seen the Lord ." kind of bitch hangin' off the end of my dick. Something unmentionable was being revealed in this moment.......something unspeakable , and I was in the question that asked...." Is it love, or is it rape.....SPIRITUAL RAPE , stabilizing itself on the frontiers of a new creative reality ? ". Who cares though....who really gives a shit. Distinctions like this are for the morally crippled........those that after passing through, leave only pock marks in the snow and spoor all over flattened like a pancake souls that all along have been awaiting the insurgents, with their weapons du jour.......their sweet for cheerleaders batons.

Collecting myself and gathering what was left at the intersection of the cross , I opted for the past ( a painful state, but a known one ). Sooooooooo........harvesting some memories, some golden oldies, I chummed for pearls in the deep waters of my nostalgia , flattering myself with ample revision as God continued pimping Jesus to the cripples on their way back from Lourdes , and I , held hostage in this game fashioned by my past , laid bare the wastelands of my last excursion into intimacey , and chuckled at my wanton, willing act of surrender. Ooooooo.....oooo , la ,la mother fucker, hiding out in your white tribalistic " jockey on the lawn " frontier , spewing your theocracy into your children not yet shaken from your woman's womb.

I gotta admit....those traces of former moments plucked surreptititously from the arms of my youth were titillating my psychic funny bone and I saw you once again , outside and away from my limited vision as a moment of discernment appearing inside my seeing with no rebuttal. It was YOU....YOU , yes YOU as you always were , flickering in the silent movie of my clear creative eye......sparkling......receding, ........appearing and disappearing in the realization that selection is a stealer of form , and form , forms the world if only for a moment as I witness upon the screen of my delight.....YOU , yes , YOU MY LOVE , creating ME creating YOU.